Musings of a Phantom
by Sui Megami
Summary: What does it mean to be half ghost? Am I any less alive than my friends? Does being half ghost mean that I am also half dead?


Kitty-chan: Uber randomness! I was watching Danny Phantom and this idea popped into my head. Dunno why... just a little one-shot about something I think Danny would think about a lot, and I thought it would be fun to write for Sam and Tucker since the chemistry between the three is pretty funny. Anyway... just a little fic on Danny Fenton's musings.

Oh, this story takes place directly after episode 20: Control Freaks.

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_"I... am a ghost... I have no friends..."_

_"You're not just a ghost!"_

Fingers intertwined behind his head, a dull blue-eyed gaze directed toward the ceiling, and mouth downturned in a faint scowl. Danny Fenton looked the perfect part of a surly teenager. Oddly enough, he wasn't, compared to other such teenagers that could be mentioned here, but will not be. His mind tended to wander all over his current and odd predicament as it wasn't a predicament one often found oneself in, no matter what realm you were from, ghost or living. But his wandering mind often troubled even its owner, which is why he sometimes felt a small amount of gratitude for the constantly-moving lifstyle that seemed to plague him. But every once in a while, some action or thought-provoking event would occur and overload his held-back thoughts, causing him to retreat from civilization and simply ponder to himself. This didn't happen often as the mind of a fourteen-year old was not particularly inclined to do such things, but I digress...

_I'm not just a ghost... yeah... half human... a hybrid... some rare creature that only has one other on earth like him... But what exactly does that mean... that I'm only half alive?_

Thinking back to the actual cause of his ghostly alter-ego, Danny could often remember only sparse details. Flashes of light, a striking pain down his spine that soon spread to the rest of his body and the rest was black... moments (or was it hours?) later, he stumbled out of the malformed ghost portal and into Sam's waiting arms. So what exactly had happened? He figured it had something to do with an overload of ectoplasmic energy being forced into his body, but how much did that really tell him? According to his parents, the only existing definition for ecloplasmic energy was the green gooey crap that comes out of ghosts when you rip them apart... molecule by molecule.

Real informative.

The results were obvious... Danny gained the ability to alter his physical (and apparently biological) structure to become what most people would call a ghost. He wasn't like other ghosts, obviously as he seemed to be one of only a few to actually have a competant brain in his head. And even if he truly was the same as the other ghosts, he at least held tightly to the theory that his human side kept him on a higher level than the rest. He would like to think he was smart enough to not haunt cardboard boxes or the cafeteria at school. But there was one similarity between the ghosts and himself that drove him to several questions that plagued him a lot.

He wasn't technically alive.

_What does it mean to be half ghost? Am I any less alive than my friends? Does being half ghost mean that I am also half-dead? How does that even work?_

The ghosts he fought all had lived full lives at one time... lived and died. But Danny, to his knowledge, had never actually died. Did that mean that the accident in the lab had somehow killed off a piece of him? If so... what was it that was killed off? He wasn't quite sure he was willing to give up his power as a half-ghost half human hybrid to get back whatever small thing had been lost, but he did often wonder what it was that had been taken... if anything at all.

He doubted he could possibly find something by going through the before and after sections of his life and looking for differences since his life had been so altered by the accident that there was barely any similarity between the two. Sam, Tucker, and himself really were the only things tying the two pieces together. So his life was out of the question... or answer, if you like. What about him personally? If his personality had changed at all between the two phases of ghost and non-ghost lifestyle, wouldn't Sam and Tucker have said something? So is it possible that whatever part of him had to be lost in order to become his ghost form... the thing that allowed him to shed his human body and become the Ghost-Boy... was it possible that he lost that every time? His human half would remain the same, not alerting Sam and Tucker to any change, but would only manifest itself in his ghost form, which oddly enough, they saw very little of. To be honest, they merely saw him change in and out of human form, but rarely saw the real battles since most of them were fought in the sky or at least at a distance. It simply was a way to keep them safe. But picking apart his human and ghost halves was difficult when doing it to himself... he would hardly notice the changes. He needed to try and pick apart another hybrid and see if any changes surfaced. He could only think of one other that fit the bill, considering only two hybrids existed in either the ghost or living realm, Vlad Masters. Or Vlad Plasmius. Which ever one you are more aquainted with. At this point, Danny didn't know which one he knew better.

Changes in Vlad between his human self and his ghostly self...

Not too many. He seemed to be equally crazy weather he was tangible or not. The only difference being the hairstyle and the suit, and barely that much was different between the human Danny and the ghost Danny. Plasmius was certainly more confident in his ghost form, though that could simply be his ego showing through. He liked to pass himself off as some freakishly humble billionaire in human form, but he had no such qualms about letting his ego show in brilliant golden lettering when in ghost form.

Fruit loop.

So enough of Vlad. Even in his thought process Vlad was being a pain. Danny shook his head. _There has to be some differences about myself that I can notice._ He began a small mental list.

_Ghost rays..._

_Intangibility..._

_High speed flight..._

_Invisibility..._

_Personality things, Sherlock! _Danny growled at himself. There was no way he could pick out the differences between his ghost half and his human half personalities. He could only tell basics, and they were pretty much the same for both sides. He honestly couldn't think of any changes in the ways he acted between the two forms. He would often don a more confident mask when in ghost form if only to put his enemies on edge. He had to admit it was one thing he and Vlad shared (much as he hated to admit it), but his ego was miniscule compared to Vlad's. But other then confidence, he couldn't think of much.

"Danny?"

Danny sat up at the voice of Sam knocking on his door, sounding oddly loud after so long of quiet. He said nothing for the time, wondering to himself why he didn't simply invite her in, but his voice seemed to have shut itself off for the time being.

"Danny, it's me and Tucker." Sam called again. "Come on. Your parents said you've been in there all day. What's wrong? Can't you at least come out and eat something?"

Danny put a hand to his stomach, and leaned back again. True, he hadn't eaten anything since breakfast, and it was heading for five o'clock in the evening, but Danny found himself oddly lacking in appetite. He heaved a sigh as the door finally opened and Sam and Tucker peeked their heads in. Danny gave them a simple wave.

Tucker walked over to the bedside, staring down at Danny like he was going to dissect him and find out visually what was wrong. Danny wondered if the PDA he was holding could actually do such a thing. It did everything else. Sam took a seat on the container at the foot of his bed, plopping her small backpack on the floor. She leaned on the footboard and ran her eyes over his face, trying to decipher his reasoning. Tucker sighed.

"This is weird, man. It's been a whole Saturday, and you haven't so much as hunted for a single ghost." He waved his PDA in the air. "I swear the world's gonna end soon!"

Sam raised an eyebrow at Tucker's theatrics. "Ignoring the impending doom Tucker's been spewing lately... I have to admit it's been kinda weird since yesterday, Danny. What's wrong?"

Danny glanced down at Sam. She had a way of breaking down his defenses without really doing anything. Perhaps it was their history, though Tucker and he had similar history and he had no such effect on him. Course he was a guy.

Therin lied the answer.

Dany rolled onto his side, facing away from Tucker. "I've just... been thinking about... stuff."

Sam's eyes gave a roll. "Stuff? There's an interesting understatement. I think about... stuff... all the time and it doesn't hole me up in my room all day."

Tucker pointed at her. "Though with your mind, I'm pretty sure we'd want to lock you there if you told us what -stuff- you were thinking about."

"Point taken, but we're talking about Danny here." She motioned to the still boy. "Come on, Danny. You can tell us what you're thinking about. Is it about Freakshow?"

Danny sighed. "It's just..." He sat up and his blue eyes narrowed. "He just made me think about... what exactly I am."

"_What_ you are?" Tucker shrugged. "That's an interesting way to put it. Most high schoolers today worry about _who_ they are."

"Not helping, Tucker!" Sam growled through bared teeth. "What do you mean what you are?"

Danny's voice seemed to increase in octave as his temper flared suddenly, thinking back to the incident. "He was able to affect me before I had even gone ghost! I was just at your house giving you that music cd, and I managed to totally creep out your parents when he hypnotized me... through a tv screen!"

"You have to admit that was pretty cool." Sam chuckled. "The creeping out my parents part... not the through a tv screen part."

Tucker scoffed. "What's your point? He was out to get you. Of course he'd make it so you'd get hypnotized through the tv if necissary."

Danny grabbed his hair. "Don't you get it? I wasn't in my ghost form, and his ghost-controlling crystal ball hypnotized me anyway!"

"So? It's the same with the Spectre Deflector. When someone is wearing it, even if you are in your human form it still zaps you." Sam shrugged.

"That just reinforces my point." Danny sighed. "I just want to know... if there's more to being half ghost than we think."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Tucker took a seat on the edge of the bed.

"Well... I've been thinking about the accident, and I can't remember a lot of what I felt when it happened. Lights... alot of pain... and then... Sam. That was it." He looked to his own hand. "Did it kill me a little?"

"Kill you?" Sam repeated, her heartbeat quickening. "What do you mean, kill you? You're right here."

Danny nodded. "I know that... but the definition of a ghost is the soul of someone who has lived and died. If I'm half ghost... does that mean I'm half dead? Did the explosion kill off half of me?" He sighed. "And if it didn't... what did it do to me?"

Sam shook her head. "But that make no sense. Tucker, I think, can agree with me on this... you haven't changed at all since you got these powers. I mean... personality wise. You're still the same Danny you've always been."

"Yeah." Tucker nodded. "And if there's no change, how could anything have been killed off?"

Danny blushed. "That's... kinda something I wanted to ask you guys..." There was an odd silence before he spoke again. "When I'm in my ghost form... are there any differences between my human self and my ghost self?"

Sam and Tucker exchanged a look. Finally, Tucker let out an odd noise. "Huh?"

Danny shook his head. "Do you notice any changes in the way I act between the times that I'm human, and the times that I'm a ghost?"

Sam paused for a moment. "Well... when you're a ghost... the glowiness gives you a cool factor of about one million." She chuckled, and Danny just gave her a blank look. "Sorry."

"Plus the white hair is an exponential coolness upgrade." Tucker added, getting another blank look from Danny. "Not helping, huh?"

"I'm serious, guys. Do you notice anything?"

Sam shrugged. "What do you want us to say? We're close to your human half. Your ghost half isn't the one we go bowling with or go to school with or... all that stuff." Danny continued to give her that same blank look and she sighed. "Alright... I'll try... ummm... Well, you definately have more confidence as the Ghost-Boy... and you're really brave." Her face turned red, and she was grateful that Tucker cut off anything else.

"Plus you have this way of really freaking out your opponents when you look at them. Your eyes are pretty intense."

"They're green, Tucker." Danny growled.

"And they glow!" Tucker defended.

Sam sighed. "Other than that it's the same Danny. Why?"

Danny looked down. "It's just... I can't help but feel that whenever I go ghost... I lose something. And more than just my humanity."

Sam and Tucker exchanged another look. What could they say? Danny was struggling with a part of himself that only one other person on earth ever had to struggle with and they doubted going to him was going to do them any good. The guy was a billionaire with an ego to match and rather obsessed.

Fruit loop.

Sam put a hand on his shoulder. "This is really bugging you, isn't it?"

Danny put his head in his hands and his emotional spectrum caused Sam's hand to suddenly sink into Danny's shoulder until she removed it with a yelp. "Freakshow just really made me think about the fact that part of me is true and complete ghost, since he was able to control me. And he was able to control me before I had gone ghost. I just started to wonder if the ghost half of me and the human half of me aren't quite related like we think."

Sam raised an eyebrow, but Danny didn't wait for a response to continue.

"I suppose when I go ghost, it seems as if I just put on a new outfit, change my hair and eye color and gain the ability to fly and hunt ghosts. But I've always known it's more than that. I lose my body, meaning I can't feel the beat of my heart... I can't feel the movements of my muscles... I don't even breathe. The ghost half of me and the human half of me aren't as merged together as we initially thought." He lay back against his pillow. "I suppose... I always recognized this stuff before... but it didn't bother me until Freakshow showed up. He kind of pointed out that the change was more than just physical. There was something happening in my personality and my mind that was changing too. So what is it that I am losing... or gaining... between the human and ghost forms? Something that identifies me as a ghost, or identifies me as a human." He looked to his two silent friends. "I just wanted to ask you about the changes to see if I could figure out what that thing is. I even tried thinking of Vlad and comparing me to him, but he's too much of a fruit loop to even bring into the conversation!"

Tucker looked down, pressing a few random buttons on his PDA, most likely doing nothing at all. Sam simply stared at the back of Danny's head and after a moment, she smiled. "Who cares?"

Danny looked up. "Huh?"

Tucker gave her an odd look, but she continued. "Who cares if something changes between your ghost and human halves? You're you, weather Danny Fenton or Danny Phantom. It doesn't change who you are." She chuckled and leaned back. "Whatever it is that changes can't be anything bad. You are more reckless when in ghost form, not to mention you're more confident and brave and stuff... but it doesn't really matter. It still doesn't change who you are."

Danny sat up straight, staring directly at Sam, wanting for a split second to kiss her. "That's it..." He muttered quietly, effectively stopping Sam's speech. Tucker's fingers stopped their movement.

"What's it, dude?" Tucker inquired flatly.

"That explains it... Plasmeus' confidence... my recklessness and bravery... the one thing that separates my human half from my ghost half... fear."

"Fear?" Sam repeated. "What are you talking about? As far as I know, you're not usually afraid of stuff when in ghost form."

"That's my point. The thing that keeps me human is my fear of things that could hurt me. But as a ghost... I can't be hurt. In essence... I'm dead. So I truly have nothing to fear. That's why I can be so confident..." He smiled. "That's interesting."

Sam pointed at him. "So as long as you have a wussy side in you, you know you're human?"

Danny smiled proudly. "Yep!" He then frowed. "Wait... that came out wrong..."

Tucker chuckled. "So... what does that mean?"

Danny stood on his bed and punched his fist toward the ceiling. "It means that I have a lot to thank Dash for on Monday! Every time he threatens to hang me by my underwear from the school flagpole, I'll know I'm human!"

Tucker leaned toward Sam. "That is really twisted, but he's happy now, right?"

Sam nodded, staring up at the excited adolescent. "In some demented way... I think so." She tugged on his shirt, and he plopped onto his bed again. "So... does that solve your problem?"

Danny's mood seemed to suddenly droop. "Kinda. But I still wonder what else comes with the change between ghost and human."

"Way to go, Sam." Tucker muttered. Sam resisted giving him the finger and looked back to Danny.

"What do you mean?"

"The whole... am I half-dead thing?"

Sam scoffed. "Even if you are, do you know how many goths would die to have that on their side?" She smirked. "And I mean that in the most literal way possible."

Danny smiled weakly at her retort, but he soon went back to staring at the bed beneath him. Tucker had once again gone silent, considering this conversation far too deep for his way of thinking. He preferred to take things as they came, and hearing Danny's description of losing his human body seemed to be reading way too far into the transformation than he cared to. As far as he was concerned... the white rings moved over his body and he was Danny Phantom. Nothing more to discuss. Time to move on to their ghost list and toss him the Fenton Thermos.

Sam put a hand on his shoulder again, and this time it was blessedly solid. "Listen, Danny. Even if you are half-dead... what does knowing that get you? You can't really change it, and even if you could, knowing you, you wouldn't. Besides... even if your ghost half is dead, your human half is alive, and that's the one your friends care about. Not that we don't care about your ghost half, too... but you get the idea. "

Danny smiled at Sam and felt a huge rush of gratitude wash over his mind, weather two or one, it didn't matter. He had friends who knew he was half-ghost, wheather that meant half-dead or not, and they liked him for it. And not just for his ghost half, but for his human half as well. He stood from his bed, allowed his feet to leave it and summoned the white glowing rings to erase away his human body and give him the glowing form of a ghost.

"I suppose it would be a good idea for us to go take down the completely dead... by way of the half-dead." He chuckled.

Sam smiled and scooped up her bag while Tucker pumped his hand in the air, PDA laden. "Yeah! Let's catch some ghosts!" He paused as he realized he truly had no idea what had just happened. "Wait... Danny's okay now, right? He's happy... again? Guys? Hey!"

And he took off running.

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Kitty-chan: Done! Hope you liked. This story will not be continued at all, so I hope you enjoyed it! Review please! Flames accepted. 


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